More than a road trip

More than a road trip??

(A new beginning or a sad goodbye?)  

On an overcast morning, my husband, Roland and I headed down the coast for a last minute "lets play hooky from work". The only plan was simple, we needed to be home by 9 or 10pm, spend less than $200, have fun and reconnect.

Our trip started with a stop at our local Trader Joe's in downtown Monterey. We picked up food for a picnic. A couple personal loaves of soft garlic and asiago bread, sliced salami and provolone, a bag of chips and salsa, and fresh organic raspberries to soak in our cheap bottle if pinot gris.
After a quick stop at the gas station to fill the tank, we were heading down highway 1, crusin' past Pebble Beach and Carmel. As the highway opened up and the coast came into view, my shoulders relaxed and the stress of life began to melt away. By the time we reached Big Sur the sun started to peak out and the day seemed promising for some great photographs.

With endless chatting and lingering eye contact Roland and I slipped easily into a comfort zone that seemed to have been lost in the wake of a shift in our relationship. Reflecting in the beauty of the nature before us was the beauty of a familiar friendship.

"The greatest meeting of land and sea," Robert Louis Stevenson's famous quote entered my mind as the jagged Big Sur coast line capped my meditation with awe and inspiration. The Big Sur Coast line has to be God's back yard with the rugged rock formations and the endless ocean. On this day the water was calm and reflective not unlike my own state of mind.

Nepenthes restaurant perched over 800 feet above the pacific ocean. Settled on top of the world the legendary restaurant lives up to its name, easing the mind with its refreshing and toxic beauty. Together we browsed the gift shop, smelling candles, playing with wind chimes, admiring local art work, smiling at each other between the isles, a brief touch of hands, the faint stir of familiar. We hiked in silence through the gardens taking in the beauty of the open world.

Our picnic spot was a red wood gazebo on the edge of forever. As I made the sandwiches and Roland corked the wine, was it possible for us to be a couple again? was it possible to continue where we left off? Where did our friendship go?
As I looked over the edge of my wine filled mug and contemplated such thoughts an echo of once was lingered in my heart. How to start?, where to begin?, should we start over? Should we let it end?
With a deep sigh and open heart, I grabbed the fingers of  my husband hoping he'd understand, be patient, hoping he'd prove to be the man that he once was and that I can once again find it in me to be the honest, open woman that he knew. To say the words that need to be said, to get past the hurt, the disappointment and anger to realize where it is that we're suppose to go. To be brave enough to walk together or say goodbye.