All major changes in my life always, always leave me contemplative. This time I walked a difficult journey on a path which I still stand,  listening and tuned to hear the lesson. My ears alert and waiting to receive the "divine" message of this family damaging and selfish move that I quite unexpectedly did. (Unexpectedly, most of all  to myself).

 I walked away from my family. Not whole heartedly and not without remorse. More like a life saving preservation move. Either do or die kind of flight. A spiritual death was certain, a physical death possible.

I think the lesson lies in the maneuver itself and the ultimate goal that I seek. Split a family for the better, remain humane and friend with my husband, ease the tension and release of the pain of a turbulent couple of years.

Today, as I sit in my Room that I rent for myself from a friend. I feel a sense of release, and relief not unlike the satisfaction of the removal of a splinter or thorn from the depth of a heel or the popping of a boil or blister. The process was painful and tentative yet the relief of walking through the threshold  is bliss. I write this in process of the last couple of days. I write this without regret. I write this in contemplation and silent prayer of forgiveness and hope. For the first time in a long time, I see faith and hope rising up on the horizon in the dawn of the belief in me.